Ask Donnell: Why Don't Men Like Marriage Or Family Seminars?

Ask Donnell: Why Don't Men Like Marriage Or Family Seminars?

We received the following question from Melanie;

"Hey Donnell,
Why is it that men don’t like going to marriage or family life seminars? Is it that you guys don’t like people telling you what to do and prefer to figure it out on your own?"

Great question, Melanie. Each man is different but I do get where you're coming from. Sometimes, it can be a challenge to get a man to be enthusiastic about a marriage or family life seminar. It's not exactly the top of most guys' lists when it comes to investing their time and that's a problem.

Woman: Honey, have we booked anything for this weekend?
Man: Nope. Why?
Woman: I have a great idea of something we can do together. Interested?
Man: OK. What is it?
Woman: A marriage conference.
Man: Um.. Um.. Hold on, you said this weekend right? Wow! Wow! I really need a calendar so I don't keep forgetting stuff. I totally forgot I need to fix the brakes on the car. Sorry.
Woman: Really?

I'll throw out a random reason why a man would not want to go to a marriage or family seminar. It is boring. If he's not married yet, he's probably not interested. Unfortunately, that's the best time to learn. You don't learn to swim when you fall in the water. You also don't learn to fight after you get hit with the first slap. It's a little too late. You also don't wait to learn about marriage after you're married. You're setting yourself up. It might be boring to attend the seminar now but if you don't attend you will have a lot more excitement than you bargain for in your marriage. A whole lot more.

I'll throw out another random reason. Too much men bashing. A man does not want to go to a seminar to hear about all that men are doing wrong. He's not interested. He doesn't want to know that he has to step up and be a man. He does not want to hear how fathers are failing their families and husbands are failing their wives. He rather stay home and watch sports because at least he doesn't have to feel bad unless of course, his team loses. 🙂 Now that doesn't mean he doesn't need to hear the truth. He just doesn't want to.

Last random reason... He doesn't think he needs to be taught what he assumes comes naturally. The same way many men think they know how to be real men even though they were never taught they think they know how to be husbands and fathers. They figured out manhood so they can figure out the rest. What's there to learn? A good man should automatically be a good husband and father right? If he could figure out school he could figure out his wife and kids. It's not rocket science.... or is it?

Hosea 4:6(KJV) - My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.

Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance can turn into pain, misery and destruction very quickly. One of the biggest problems we are facing today even in The Church is a rejection of knowledge in key areas. People just don't want to know certain information because they don't want to be held responsible for it. They love a finance convention because it's usually about getting money. They love a faith convention because it's usually about getting supernatural results. However, a family convention is about growing as an individual and operating in Godly character. Boring! Who wants that?

I'll be honest! There are few things more awkward than to sit next to your wife or fiance' at a marriage seminar and hear the pastor call out exactly what you're doing wrong. You know your wife is hearing it and she's probably thinking, "Thank you Jesus. Let him know. Give it to him." The man also knows that the next time he does the same thing she will kindly remind him, "Now baby, remember what the pastor said. You're doing it again."

Ask Donnell: Why Don't Men Like Marriage Or Family Seminars?

1 Peter 3:7(AMP) - In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]

The Bible says that being a successful husband is a whole lot more than being in touch with your emotions or making lots of money. It's about intelligent recognition of the marriage relation. That's right, a man actually has to know something about marriage to be any good at it. If you don't learn how to be a spouse you won't know what to do. As one pastor said, bad spouses or parents aren't always bad people, they're just unskilled. They want to be married and have children but they don't want to be educated so they could do it right.

Young couples are getting divorced all over the place and many of them are Christians. Why? Are they bad people? Nope! They just don't know what to do and they've grown frustrated with their marriages. There's no frustration like the frustration that comes from ignorance. Sometimes, it's your own ignorance and other times it's the ignorance of the person you're dealing with. Nonetheless, ignorance breeds total frustration. You've tried everything you know so you think nothing can be done but what if you're wrong? The problem just might be that you just don't know enough.

Titus 2:1-8(NKJV) - But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.

For The Church to be successful, the older men are supposed to teach the younger men how to be men of God and the older women are supposed to teach the younger women. If this transfer does not take place the cycle of broken marriages and families will continue. Generational curses are only broken when somebody decides to put an end to them. It just doesn't happen on its own. We have to learn from the generations before us what to do and what not to do. We must not repeat their mistakes. I might be young but I have the wisdom of older men. Do you want to know why? I listen to them.

Believe me, there are some things I do not want to learn from experience. If I can learn it from someone else I will. Long before I knew I was getting married I started learning about marriage. I attended seminars, watched videos, studied books and consumed the scriptures. I learned all I could because I knew that marriage is no joke. Even though I couldn't learn everything the least I could do was learn something. Whatever I didn't learn from someone else The Holy Spirit would teach me through the scriptures.

Too many Christians are getting divorced. Too many wives are complaining about their husbands. Too many husbands are complaining about their wives. Too many children are complaining about their parents. No man wants to believe he's a lousy husband. No woman wants to believe she's a lousy wife. We just think we're awesome in our own eyes and the problem is always with the other person. Marriage and family seminars are for everyone because you're either there to learn or you're there to help someone else.

Anyway, why don't men like marriage or family life seminars? I really don't know if there is any good reason. All I know is that we can't remain ignorant any longer. We need to get as much knowledge as we can and we need to apply it immediately. Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is potential power. Applied knowledge is power. Let's get some power and save our families.

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