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Ask Donnell: How Do I Deal With An Abusive "Christian" Boss?

Ask Donnell: How Do I Deal With An Abusive "Christian" Boss?

We received the following question from K;

"i have a new boss she is a “christian” but she always tries to belittle me. She is a dentist and i am her receptionist. this field is new to me so as you know, not everything i’ll be quick at. however she always has something to say that will try to make me look “small” in front of her patients…. before, my boss was of a different family therefore i could have prayed against her but this one is my family in the LORD. how do i pray towards her??? one time i was so sad and angry i just sang and went in the kitchen and cry. how do i pray concerning this??? i know forgiveness is a must but how do I deal with this situation? thanks in advance."

K, this is a very serious question. Thanks for your honesty. Your situation is no joke. It's sad that you've been caught in this dilemma. When someone's "cutting" words can wound your heart to the point that it brings you to tears it's emotional abuse. That's not a good situation. It's even worse when the person is a Christian. What you said is true concerning how difficult it is to respond. It's easy to "go to war" spiritually when you're dealing with an unbeliever but what do you do with a Christian?

When you work for someone one of the advantages is that you can usually expect a steady paycheck. However, one disadvantage is that you have to play by their rules, whether good or bad. That's why even if your job situation is a good one you should still always be working on something on the side. For example, you might have a full time job but you can probably go to school part-time for an advanced degree so you can move out of where you are to a higher level.

Another alternative is to covertly build the infrastructure for your own business during the nights and weekends. Last, but not least when a job starts getting unbearable it's time to start "quietly" looking for another one. You smile and nod your head at the office until the day you're ready to tell them goodbye. There's nothing worse than feeling stuck. It doesn't feel good and it's not God's Will for your life.

You don't want to be in the middle of a dead-end situation without an exit plan of some sort. An exit plan gives you hope. Even if it takes years to come to fruition, the plan keeps you waking up everyday and going to work for those years. Once you have hope you can handle some of the most difficult environments. Why? You know that it's only a matter of time before you leave them all behind. Thankfully, you are not alone in your distress. The Lord is with you and His Word has the answers. Let's start digging through the scriptures and find out the best way to respond.

Luke 22:24-27(NLT) - Then they began to argue among themselves about who would be the greatest among them. Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men lord it over their people, yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’ But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.

Jesus was the ultimate leader and He taught us how to lead like Him. What is it with people and power? You give a little power to some of us and the worst comes out. We don't know how to act when we get to the top. Instead of using our power to build people up, we're ready to step all over others. It's like power has a way of corrupting the hearts of even "good" people. Why is that true even for some "Christians"? Why act like Lucifer when Jesus is our perfect example? Anyway, I digress... Let's focus on how we should respond.

Ask Donnell: How Do I Deal With An Abusive "Christian" Boss?

How To Deal With An Abusive "Christian" Boss

1) Submit to the boss's authority even if the boss doesn't treat you right.

1 Peter 2:17-24(NKJV) - Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king. Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh. For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: “Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth”; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.

This scripture is serious. There is so much substance in there.

Jesus set the tone with His life and expects us to do the same. You submit to your boss because that's what The Lord says and that's the only reason you need. Even if your boss is "verbally" and "emotionally" abusive you still have to respect the person's authority. As long as you're choosing to work there and collect that paycheck you have to submit. If you don't want to submit the only other alternative for a Christian is to exit the premises.

Now, let's look closer at the scripture. Do you know why Jesus took all of that abuse when He was on the earth? He was on a mission. He had an exit strategy. He knew it was not going to last forever and He would not allow anything to distract Him from His purpose. He was thinking about us. It's the same for you. When you are meek during unjust treatment God honors that. He gives you the power to endure for the time you are there. Then, according to 1 Corinthians 10:13, He provides a way of escape. Take it!

2) If your boss is a Christian you have an even greater responsibility to give honor.

1 Timothy 6:1-2(KJV) - Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed. And they that have believing masters, let them not despise them, because they are brethren; but rather do them service, because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the benefit. These things teach and exhort.

When your boss is a Christian there is an added responsibility to work hard and support the mission of your company. You're not just building an organization but you're helping a Christian person to be successful. This way, you position yourself to be on the right side of God's blessing flow. The Bible has some very interesting views on authority but if Jesus could submit to authority, who are we?

3) Honor all Governing authorities.

Romans 13:1-7(NKJV) - Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing. Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.

The Bible is replete with references like these which require us to submit to all authority. This must be our stance as long as it does not contradict the authority of God. For example, you don't follow the directions of an authority figure who asks you to commit a crime. While doing the crime is submitting to the authority, doing what's right is submitting to God. God is the highest authority and overrides all authority.

Ask Donnell: How Do I Deal With An Abusive "Christian" Boss?

4) Work hard and do what's right at work as a service to Christ!

Ephesians 6:5-9(NKJV) - Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.

It's hard to work for an overbearing boss but your perspective should never be in that direction. Your eyes are always on The Lord. You go to work and work hard because God is looking at you. Therefore, He will reward you. He will take care of your needs regardless of your boss. In fact, that's God's plan anyway. Everything we do, we do as unto The Lord and not to please anybody on this earth.

As a result, if you're not good at your job, strive to get better. If your boss feels the liberty to disrespect you like that she probably thinks you're easily replaceable. That's a problem. You should be so good at your job that your boss can't afford to let you go. When that's the case, she will think twice before she treats you with contempt. You have to always strive to be better at your job. Remember, you work for God and He deserves the best.

Colossians 3:22-24(KJV) - Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God; And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

You work for God, not your boss. He's just using her to pay you. If you do what's right, when it's time He will promote you (Psalm 75:6-7). Keep your eyes on The Lord and you will have perfect peace on the inside regardless of what happens at your office on the outside (Isaiah 26:3).

5) Let your character do the talking.

Proverbs 15:1(KJV) - A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

This is so important. Never let your boss's lack of character cause you to get out of character. When she's being offensive take authority over your own emotions by responding with a soft answer. Never let her or anyone at all have the power to control your emotions. You take the high road and show her what it means to act like a Christian. Your boss will have to answer to God for how she treats you but you will have to answer for how you respond.

Proverbs 25:21-22(KJV) - If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee.

I know your boss is not your enemy but this principle still applies. Be extra nice to her and even go out of your way to do favors for her. Ask her where she needs help. Be willing to show her the love of God. Maybe she's been missing out on that. You can rise above her attitude. Let her deal with herself when she treats you wrong and God convicts her heart.

Good, I'm done discussing your responsibility as a worker. We have to get that out of the way first because it positions us to tap into The Anointing we need for the next part. If we do what is right we have a right now to call on God to intervene in the situation. We can't do that if we're out of position so once you're working hard and submitting to your boss you can move on to what's next. Now it's time to go to WAR!

Ask Donnell: How Do I Deal With An Abusive "Christian" Boss?

Matthew 16:21-24(KJV) - From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day. Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

Did you just see that? Jesus looked Peter in the eye and said, "Get thee behind me, Satan." Was Peter possessed? No! Was his name Satan? No! Jesus knew that Peter was only saying those things because Satan was telling him what to say. Yes, even though Peter had a good heart, he was being used as a tool of the devil to distract Jesus. Therefore, Jesus knew who He was dealing with. His issue was not with Peter so He didn't even address Peter. His issue was with the spirit that was behind Peter's words.

James 3:16(NLT) - For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

K, because your boss is a Christian does not mean you're not dealing with evil spirits. James addressed The Church and reminded them that even though they were Christians they could easily open the door to the enemy. Therefore, even if you're dealing with a Christian you can't drop your guard. Christian people who walk in jealousy, strife or selfishness open the door for the devil to get involved in their lives.

2 Corinthians 5:16(NLT) - So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!

When you see your boss don't look at her like a regular woman. When she uses abusive words don't just think she's the one behind those words. You might be dealing with a situation where she has opened the door for the devil to influence her heart and use her to hurt you. Therefore, if the devil is behind the "emotional" abuse then it's time to forget about your boss and respond directly to your real enemy.

Ephesians 6:10-18(NKJV) - Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

I'm going to give you some simple instructions. I've done this many times before in my life and I guarantee that it works. Get to work early before everyone else and pray over the place. Take some oil and walk through the office talking in tongues. Anoint doorposts and declare the authority of God in the place. Call on the name of Jesus and ask The Lord to release His ministering angels to take control of the atmosphere. Rebuke strife. Rebuke pride. Rebuke jealousy. Rebuke selfishness. If the enemy wants to pick a fight, then hit him where it hurts. Fight in the spirit!

Matthew 16:19(KJV) - And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Bind the spirit that's controlling your boss. You have the authority. Cast the devil out of that place! When you're done get back to your seat and act like nothing ever happened. Watch how things will change in there. How do you deal with an "abusive" Christian boss? The same way you deal with the devil. Go after the spirit and cast it out in the name of Jesus! Intercession is the best weapon you have. It's how Christians deal with issues on the earth. First, we do what's right on a natural level then we fight in the spirit.

Luke 10:19(KJV) - Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

When you fight in The Spirit everyone wins. You're not only helping yourself but you're helping your boss. You're setting her free from whatever is oppressing her and causing her to act that way. If she has personal issues, your prayer can cause The Lord to put her on the path to healing. When you operate in excellence, portray the fruit of the spirit and pray for her God will open her eyes to see where she is wrong. That's the first step for her to receive her freedom.

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